lord of the rings

so me and Eric watched ALL 3 Lord of the Rings movies this weekend. it was a good time. we were going to attempt to do them all on one day but I'm glad we didn't - one on Saturday and two on Sundy. my eyes were already melting out of their sockets. i love that movie so freaking much. i wish i lived in a world like that. everything is about allegiance, respect, and dying with honor. i would want to be an elf...only if i could be with a non-elf man though - you're good looking and everything Orlando Bloom, but a little too feminine for my tastes. anyways, it took me out of reality for practically the whole weekend so i like to think that my usual monday morning grogginess has to do a bit with trying to come back to reality. nonetheless when it comes to fairies, mermaids, elves, unicorns, etc.....i still believe (:

vacation...all i ever wanted

Above are some pictures Eric and I took on a little excursion to O'Neill Regional Park. Which is right by our house! Jealous?? I love living here so much, being so close to nature, its so peaceful and makes the extra 10 minute drive to work so worth it. Before I couldn't wait to get out of Southern California, but now I can really see myself settling here. Going back to school and getting my Ph.D. in Political Psychology. Getting married. Buying a three bedroom house and having a couple chillins. I want that. I want that so bad. And I know that my life here now is preparing me for that. Previously, I use to get a little stir crazy being in one place for too long. After 6 months I needed to go out and discover something new! I still have the urge to do that but I wonder what my life would have been like if I did. Not saying that it wouldn't be fulfilling, but after years of travelling to third world countries, doing research, all which sounds appealing, I fear that I would find myself to be so alone. I want, I need, that other person, that companionship. And I have found that much and more in Eric. I love him more than anything, more than I could ever describe. And I want a life and family with him. We both want to move to Oregon some day, most likely in the far off future, after our future children grow up and fly off to college, jobs, and lives of their own. Until then I am perfectly content popping around the beautiful bounty that Rancho Santa Margarita has to offer. Granted it is a pretty clean cut little suburban city, but I love it. And am so grateful that I can witness natural wonders (see above) just outside my door. Oh it was the cutest thing, we hiked to vista point, all around the park actually, but once we got to the top we found this random pond, with one fat and happy duck, and as we walked toward the water, dozens of tiny brown frogs jumped up from the cracks in the ground and hopped towards the pond. So cool.

calm hills

the rolling green hills right by my apartment complex were so calming this morning. beautiful mist lingering in and around the dips and curves. that plus no traffic on the way for a work made for a pleasant drive. now if only i actually wanted to be here, why then today would be great! the thing is i just switched health care insurance (again) and an now at kaiser, and am pretty happy with the service thus far. unfortunately, they don't carry the exact steroid inhaler i was using before, had to get a different brand, and am having some difficulty adjusting. wheezing at work is frustrating and makes me want to be here less! but i keep reminding myself that i just need to stick it out for two more years...TWO MORE YEARS! (maybe 2 1/2...we'll see) before i get to go back to school and actually get back on track to what i want to do with my life. that is my motivation. that is why i am here. big wheels keep on moving, proud [jessie] keep on burning!

failed writer

so i made quite a few resolutions this past january and guess what?? big surprise...wait for it...four months later i have dropped the ball on all of them! yay! i still have good intentions, even when it comes to taking spanish classes, especially since i work full time and have added an additional 15 minutes to my commute. Oh oh! i forgot to honor the most important one! as most of my friends and family know, i moved out to a beautiful apartment, in the city i wanted to live in, with the man of my dreams! AND i did it one month earlier than anticipated. but me and eric made it work and we're loving our new place (and so is Harlers!). for those of you asking for picutres, i am sorry, i will put them up very very soon, i know it has been 3 weeks but i just want to have our place look a little bit more put together before i advertise it. not that it doesn't look amazing, there are just a few more things to do before we proudly show it off. so life is good. besides feeling a little hum drum about work, not wanting to go, being bored while i'm there, etc. i am keeping motivated though by looking forward to my promotion august 1st! i will be the manager of my office! and i will be hiring someone to take my spot, very exciting for my first REAL job out of college. And as mush as i complain about my job, well everyone does so i shouldn't think it out of the ordinary, i really do love it. this is the best spot i could be in. i am already scoping out the retired judges i work with to write reference letters for my future applications to grad school. and i had completely written of law school before, but am no re-considering it because if i could teach university level with a juris doctorate (which i think i can) then getting a law degree would give me the option of two different careers - might be fun! and i wouldn't have to be a boring litigating attorney either. so we'll see. life is good, i am so much in love, and i know everything will work out in the end. so here's to more writing! hoorah!

wake up call

so lately I have been a little worried that I am straying from the path that I had set out for myself, that I am losing the adventurous and seeking young women that I was while in college. I still have goals that I plan on meeting in the near future, it just concerns me at times that I am "selling out" for the 8-5 schedule in order to make the next buck - but a girl's gotta eat right?? anyways, I was driving into work this morning listening to a NEW radio station that Eric suggested I try out (100.3 the sound) and when introducing the next song by Van Morrison, the radio host began talking about how the next singer grew up on the borders of conflict in Northern Ireland and how that sound and the music of American jazz influenced his work - just the word "Northern Ireland" immediately took me back to, not just a place, but that a feeling that I had lost. a feeling of purpose and human might and the possibility that although tomorrow is not certain, I also have some sort of divine power to mold it in my own hands. well the inspiration is back people, that fire to go out into the world and shake it up and make my mark has been re-ignited. and I couldn't be more freaking excited (:

case of the mondays

So I hate to say this, because I actually loathe this saying but have no other way to describe it, but this morning I had a real bad case of the Mondays. It cleared up pretty quickly after laughing a bit on the phone with my honey about hedgehogs (poke!), and that got me thinking about how grateful I am to have a job in which I am actually interested in the industry. Yes it is generic office work for the most part, although I am learning some new information and get to interact with ehmm...interesting...people, but I have the most amazing boss, a very spacious desk all to myself, good location, nicely decorated office, and a good view. Oh, and a Starbucks across the street in case I get desparate - I really am trying to cut back on buying coffee (not drinking coffee of course....I would die). What I mean to say is that after I got over the inevitable gloom that hangs over all the mornings of 8-5ers, I thought about the possibility of actually growing in this company, not just staying in the position I am in, and turning it into something I love. I do, in the near near future, want to go back to school and get my Ph.D. and teach, but just because I am in an entry position now does not mean I can't use it to my advantage, stretch my possibilities to my greatest potential, and even leave a permanent legacy when I do leave in the next 3-4 years. We shall see but the wheels are a turnin'!

on hold at work

upside down, boy you're turning me, inside out, and round and round.
upside down you're turning so give me love instinctively
round and round you're turning me, i say to thee respectively
..........
motown poetry at its finest...thank you Law Offices of Christian Amendt for brightening my already pleasant Friday (:

sipping on life

got into work a few minutes early, sipping on some iced coffee - bringing life back into my joyful veins - german composition coasting all the way here - the day is good and new - a space, the search for that space, coming to a local city near you - i plan and imagine what color to paint the wall behind my head - a color i could dream to every night - a color to lie on and know this is where you were meant for - another decorative vase and i'm spent for perfection - this is what the multititude of days stands on - the simple and mortaly mundane - i want to get lost in domestic revelation - hide behind the rapt picket fence - with my happily trapped world.